Smooth Sorcerer
by AngelinaWeasley1
Summary: A compilation of parodies to various hit songs, the first of which features the night Voldemort paid the Potters a visit, Micheal Jackson style...
1. Smooth

Disclaimer: The last time I checked, my name was not Joanne Rowling, so I, sadly, do not own the Harry Potter series or its related characters. Damn!...

A/N: I had all of these song parodies that I wrote many moons ago when I was young and (less) insane, so I decided to just collapse them all together. This first parody is the terrific, late Michael Jackson's "Smooth Criminal"! It's about the night Voldemort came to the Potter's house to kill little ol' Harry, unsuccessfully, and met up with Lily. HP, get ready to moon walk!

**Smooth Sorcerer**

_Verse 1: _

As he came into the doorway

There was the sound of complete dismay

He came in unexpected

He left the body

On the carpet (James')

She was standing by the staircase

He could see the fear on her face

So she ran into the bedroom

She was struck down

It was her doom

_Bridge:_

Lily, are you okay?

Lily, are you okay?

Are you okay, Lily?

Lily, are you okay?

Lily, are you okay?

Are you okay, Lily?

Lily, are you okay?

Lily, are you okay?

Are you okay, Lily?

_Chorus:_

I said Lily are you okay?

Lily, are you okay?

Are you okay Lily?

Lily are you okay?

Will you tell us, that you're okay?

There's a sign in the rubble

That he killed you

A dark wizard, Lily

He came into the Hollow

He left the bodies

Of the Potters

She tried to run in the bedroom

She was struck down

It was her doom

Lily, are you okay?

Lily, are you okay?

Are you okay, Lily?

Lily, are you okay?

Lily, are you okay?

Are you okay, Lily?

Lily, are you okay?

Lily, are you okay?

Are you okay, Lily?

You've been hit by

You've been struck by

A smooth sorcerer

_Verse 2:_

So he came in through the back way

It was Sunday,

But a black day

He was there for divination

Panicked heartbeats

No absolution

_Bridge:_

Lily, are you okay?

Lily, are you okay?

Are you okay, Lily?

Lily, are you okay?

Lily, are you okay?

Are you okay, Lily?

Lily, are you okay?

Lily, are you okay?

Are you okay, Lily?

I said Lily are you okay?

Lily, are you okay?

Are you okay Lily?

_Chorus: _

Lily are you okay?

Will you tell us, that you're okay?

There's a sign in the rubble

That he killed you

A dark wizard, Lily

He came into the Hollow

He left the bodies

Of the Potters

She tried to run in the bedroom

She was struck down

It was her doom

Lily, are you okay?

Lily, are you okay?

Lily, are you okay?

Are you okay, Lily?

You've been hit by

You've been struck by

A smooth sorcerer

_Chorus, again:_

Lily are you okay?

Will you tell us, that you're okay?

There's a sign in the rubble

That he killed you

A dark wizard, Lily

He came into the Hollow

He left the bodies

Of the Potters

She tried to run in the bedroom

She was struck down

It was her doom

Lily, are you okay?

Lily, are you okay?

Are you okay, Lily?

Lily, are you okay?

Lily, are you okay?

Are you okay, Lily?

Lily, are you okay?

Lily, are you okay?

Are you okay, Lily?

I said Lily are you okay?

Lily, are you okay?

Are you okay Lily?

You've been hit by

You've been struck by

A smooth sorcerer!


	2. The Way I Am

A/N: Yet another Eminem parody, this time to his song "The Way I am".

**The Way I Am**

_Verse 1:_

I sit back with my wand and my owl and my cloak

Of invisibility, it gives me the will needed to be

The most meanest wizard on this earth

And since birth I've been cursed with this scar, I am cursed

And I blurt this berserk and bizarre crap that works

And it sells and it helps in itself to relieve

All this tension dispensin' my thoughts

This stress on my chest that's been eatin' me recently

I want to rest peacefully (peacefully)

But at least have the decency in you to leave me alone

When you freaks see me out in the streets

When I'm eatin' or playing Quidditch

To not come and speak to me (speak to me)

I don't know you and no I don't owe you

A motherf-ckin' thing

I'm not Mr. Hufflepuff, not full of nice stuff

I'm not Mr. Friendly, I can be a prick

If you tempt me my tank is on empty (is on empty)

No patience is in me, and if you offend me

I'm liftin you 10 feet (liftin you 10 feet)

In the air, I don't care, who was there

Or who saw me destroy you

Go tell a professor and file you a lawsuit

I'll smile in the courtroom

And buy you some new robes

I'm tired of all of this (all of this)

I don't mean to be mean, but that's all I can be, is just me

_Chorus:_

Cause I am, whatever you say I am

If I wasn't, then why would I say I am?

In the Prophet, the news, every day I am

I can't help it, it's the way I am

And I am, whatever you say I am

If I wasn't, then why would I say I am?

In the Prophet, the news, every day I am

I don't know, it's just the way I am

_Verse 2:_

I'm tired of being compared to my father

I hate to be bothered

With all of this nonsense, it's constant

"No way the Dark Lord is back, Potter's wacked, throw him into St. Mungo's"

And all of this controversy circles me

And it seems like the Ministry immediately

Points a finger at me (finger at me)

So I point one back at 'em but not the index or pinkie

Or the ring, or the thumb, it's the one you put up

When you don't give a f-ck

When you won't just put up

With the bullshit they pull, 'cause they full of shite too

When a kid's gettin' bullied and jinxes the school

And they blame it on Voldemort (on Voldemort), I'm the hero huh?

Where are my parents at?

And look where it's at—this crap wizardring world

Now it's a tragedy

Now it's so sad to see, an upper class society

Having this happenin' (this happenin')

Then attack Harry P 'cause I am this way

But I'm glad 'cause they feed me the fuel that I need for the fire to burn

And it's burnin'

And I told you that Riddle's returned

_Chorus_

_Verse 3:_

I'm so sick and tired of being admired

That I wish that I would just die or get murdered

And dropped from my House team

Just stop tryin' to crowd me

I'm not gonna be able to live up to the prophecy

And pigeon-holed into some battle to fight with the Dark Lord

And I just do not got the patience (got the patience)

To deal with these ridiculous wizards who just think I'm some boy

Who just tries for attention 'cause I talk with some vigor

And won't give it up, so they always keep askin' the same f-ckin' questions (f-ckin' questions)

What school did I go to?

What house I grew up in

The why, the who, what, when

The where and the how

Til I'm grabbin' my hair and I'm pullin' it out

'Cause they drivin' me crazy (drivin' me crazy)

I can't take it

I'm racin', I'm pacin', I stand and I sit

And I'm thankful for every supporter I get

But I can't even go to the bathroom without someone standin' by it!

No I won't sign your autograph

You can call me an arsehole,

I'm glad

_Chorus_


	3. Blow Ya Mind

A/N: This parody is to Eve's "Blow Ya Mind" with Gwen Stefani. Pettigrew is Gwen. Mwa ha ha ha ha ha...

**Blow Ya Mind**

_Verse 1 (Voldie):_

Uh, uh, uh, huh

Yo, yo

Drop your glasses, cover your asses

Face screwed up, before your eyes, life is flashin'

Which one, pick one, yeah I'm classic

Bad to worse, yeah man, I'm drastic

Why this, why that, lips stop askin'

Tense up baby, I'm relaxed, you start dyin'

Slytherin, eyes red, my jinxes have you flyin'

Because of me, I have had many people cryin'

Some of ya'll wizards hot, sike, I'm gassin'

Muggles I spot em and I can't stop killin'

Easy come, easy go, Voldie's gon be lastin'

Want revenge? Let it go, results could be tragic

Some of ya'll ain't fightin well, too concerned with loved ones

That's great for me, cause when I murder them, it'll be more fun

A lot of ya'll good wizards, want, to cease me

Now I, am pissed off, thus comes your misery

_Chorus (Wormtail):_

I knew I had to scare you more, it's only been a year

Now I got my foot through the door, and I ain't going nowhere

It took awhile to get me in, and I'm gonna take my time

Tryin' to fight me but I have no fear, cause I'm gonna blow ya mind

_Verse 2 (Dark Lord):_

They wanna build up, skill up, it doesn't faze me

Shank up, wizards wanna come after me

You ain't a Auror, prankster, you can't catch me

Snakes in my path wanna smile up at me

Now while you grittin your teeth

Frustration, baby you got to breathe

Take a lot more than you, to get rid of me

You see what they can't do, I do killing

Ain't no stress when it comes to death, get what you see

Meet me with your wand, hope is gone, don't believe

Huh, Death Eaters are mine, tortured so many minds

While I tried to regain my strength, I, was hard to find

Dumbledore, I ain't scared, one of a kind

All I do is contemplate ways to make your souls mine

Eyes bloodshot, stressin', chills up your spine

Sick to your stomach, wishin you had more time

_Chorus_

_Verse 3 (Tom Riddle Jr):_

I'll make your bones crack

Your back pop, I can't stop

Excitement, sendin' sparks, I'm sly as a fox

Hood up, thugged out, you'll be dead in a box

Spells being uttered, what was that? You used _nox_?

Yeah wizard, I'm hard, can't you see?

Back track, think back, Riddle T.

Do you hate me? (Ew) You got to, I know you

Had you in a trance, next curse, you on the floor too

Don't believe, I'll show you, take it from me

Turned you out, there is no doubt, I'll never give you relief

Put your trust in destruction when you see me coming

Damn he much thinner, now I know I'm grisly

Still frightening, serpent house, bring it on

Sport green and silver, double S, I'm the best

Beware, cause I crush anything I land on

Me here?, ain't no mistake, please, it was planned on!

_Chorus_


	4. Cleanin' Out My Closet

A/N: This is the parody to Eminem's great song "Cleanin' Out My Closet". Harry and Eminem remind me of one another, what with their rage, hate for fame, and crappy childhoods. Oh, and AD is Dumbledore for future reference.

**Cleanin' Out My Closet**

_Verse 1 (Harry, rapping):_

Have you ever been hated or discriminated against?

I have

I've been protested and demonstrated against

Angry cries for my wicked lies

Look at the times

I'm sick in the mind and I'm the crazy Potter kid that's behind

All this commotion, emotions

Run deep as oceans, explodin'

Tempers flarin' from wizards

Just blow 'em off an' keep goin'

Not takin' nothin' from no one

Give 'em hell long as I'm breathin'

Keep kickin' arse in the mornin' and takin' names in the evenin'

Leave 'em with the taste as sour as SkeleGro in their mouth

See they can trigger me, but they'll never figure me out

Look at me now-I bet you're probably sick of me now

Ain't you Dursley?

I'm-a make you look so ridiculous now!

_Chorus:_

I miss you mama!

I wish that you were still here!

'Cause all they did was bring me tears,

So tonight, I'm cleanin' out my closet

(One more time!)

I said I miss you mama!

I wish that you were still here!

'Cause all they did was bring me tears,

So tonight, I'm cleanin' out my closet!

_Verse 2:_

I got some skeletons in my closet

I don't know if no one knows it

So before they throw me inside my coffin and close it,

I'm-a expose it

I take you back to '81

With my parents gone I had to go live with my aunt and her son

I was a baby

I was only about 15 months

My stupid uncle must have had his knickers up in a bunch

He was pissed

I wonder if he even cared that I cried

No I don't

On second thought, I just sometimes wished he would die

I talked to AD

And he said I could not leave their side

Even if I hated them

I'd have to grit my teeth and try to make it work with them

At least for my own sake

I've maybe made some mistakes

But I'm only human

And I'm man enough to face 'em today

What I did was stupid

When I blew up Aunt Marge

But the smartest thing I did was run to a place that's afar

'Cause I'd-a finished it

I'd-a made 'er totally explode

It's my life

Like to welcome ya'll to the Harry P show

_Chorus_

_Verse 3:_

Now I would never diss my own family just to get recognition

Take a second to listen before you think this record is dissin'

But put yourself in my position

Just try to envision witnessin' your aunt spyin' on neighbors from the kitchen

Screamin' that I'm always goin' through their precious things and shit's missin'

Yellin' that I'm such a burden

Victim of being an orphan

My whole life I was made to believe I was Muggle

Though I wasn't

Till I grew up and I blew up now,

Makes you sick to your stomach, doesn't it?

Wasn't it the reason you never told me that, huh?

Said that you would try to stomp that crazy nonsense out of me, huh?

Well guess what?

I'm getting older now and know that you're phony

And realize every single thing that you told was bologna

I've seen my mum by now, and know what she was like

She was beautiful

But you never liked her

You didn't even go to her funeral!

See what hurts me the most is you won't admit you were wrong

You know me

I won't let you talk about my dad and my mom

And how dare you try to hide what you didn't help me to get

You selfish twits!

I swear, you have to act like such sodding gits!

If you expect me to act,

To act grateful to you,

You're crazy

'Cause my tolerance is just about through!

_Chorus_


End file.
